Not Quite Chicken Soup…

Let’s not beat around the bush.

Frank’s ongoing health problems came to a head this week.

Plus point; he’s not deaf as previously though.

‘Wagon load of emotional turmoil piggy-backed onto increasingly meagre plus point’; he’s autistic.

I’m still at the stage of wading through terminology and more well-meaning (awful) advice than you can shake a shitty stick at – never mind beginning to process what this means for the future.

Testament to my mind’s capacity for avoidance however, rather than do something useful with my afternoon, I’ve written a poem.

It’s Prose for Thought today (and Baby Loss Awareness Week) so I’m shoving it out there – raw, unedited, in its experimental infancy because it just seemed appropriate.

Bit of pointless trivia for you, this is the first untitled work I’ve ever produced – fancy that.


Ask me, Mama, why
do not say “I love you”?

My heart beat,
listen when I sleep
You give it me,
but it do not live
where your heart live.

Heart is eyes,
Pads of thumbs,
Dances on tongue.

Doctor say my heart small.

But I am heart and
My love as vast and deep as night.

Ask me, Mama, why
do not say “I love you”.

I love hundreds thousands times a day.

curve of letters on numberplate
spiderweb on playpark gate

My love permeate.


Doctor cannot diagnose night
Cannot see
My love


No need say
“I love you”

Am love
Constant as dark
Wide as sky


I will listen

Heart beat
Heart beat




Prose for Thought

10 thoughts on “Not Quite Chicken Soup…

  1. Ava, I love your blog and this is a beautiful poem. Thank you for sharing.
    Just wanted to wish you lots of strength and tell you that I find your way of writing very compelling. Frank is a beautiful boy and you have a wonderful way of describing your adventures.

    In light of your recent news, writing a poem is probably the best use of an afternoon. I don’t really have anything useful to say at all, but I am rooting for you both and hoping you encounter lots of lovely, helpful people on your path.

  2. Funny, bitter-sweet time, around dx. Great to have ‘an answer’ but it poses so many new questions, and then there’s that whole labelling thing that can mean your child just invites a different set of inappropriate expectations. The medical model for autism can be, for the individual, every bit as much of a round hole as the neurotypical medical model. I guess you’re finding that already from the ‘well-meaning but awful advice’ comment.

    Very, very best for the future for you and your son.

    Oh – and as far as GF/DF goes it’s easy peasy these days! When my son first went GF/DF about a decade ago it was a nightmare! Thank god for laydees with wind and their ‘detox diets’ 😉 [#Prose4T]

  3. Pingback: Tuesday Treats is Back! | dorkymum

  4. A really powerful and well-written poem which had me in tears. I am so pleased you have a diagnosis – I’ve always found that knowledge is power and I hope it helps.. There are plenty of blogs out there with a wealth of information on autism. Thank you for linking to Prose For Thought xx

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